There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
