I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
