he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
