No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
