But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
His hands were made for my vagina.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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