i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
