Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
