My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
