Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize