I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I need to align my fucking chakras
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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