It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
