So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
