Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
