Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
