please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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