STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
