Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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