so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
