end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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