she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
