i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
