good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
