the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
