theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
