omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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