Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
