o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
