So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
