Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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