Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
