i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
That was before I lit my hair on fire
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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