i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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