I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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