Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
kristin has been a bad kristin
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
