she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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