Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
