She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
