My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
