fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
