Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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