K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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