Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
