My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
