Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
