small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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