So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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