We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
