he wants to bone in the snuggie
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
