yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize