3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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