Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think im going to throw up on grandma
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
