i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
