I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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