From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
