nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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