So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
