Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
