hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
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