I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
