just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize