WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
