Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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