Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize