oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
