He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
