I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
this boner is exhausting
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
