Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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