no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
