i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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