i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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