You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize