I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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