Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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