I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize