Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
