somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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