I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
