i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
