Swine flu. Run for my life!
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We're too hungover to prance.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
