party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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