I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
