you guys were way drunker than both of me
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
