I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
