I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
