But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
