this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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