Ambien. No doubt about it.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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