I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
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