Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize