IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
