Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
