i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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