My balls are so social today.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
