OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
my poor anus
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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