Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
