Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
