saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
