Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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