When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
